How a non-believer came back to Christ.

I don't normally share this part of my life but, this year has been my turning point in my faith and it has been a crazy and emotional year!

I've always been a Christian and raised in church, and tired my hardest to be a good follower of Christ. But the last six years have been difficult for me. With more tears and heartache that I would like to admit and with all the emotional and physical abuse I endured had lead me away from God. 

For a while I even questioned why. Why was God being so mean to me? I began to wonder if there was really a God. Because why on earth would he have let so much heartache happen to someone so young. 

It was like I was a tiny ant and God was the cruel child putting a magnifying glass on me only burning me enough to keep me alive. And that's what it had felt like for so many years. I felt like God just wasn't on my side at all and I finally started to not believe anymore.

 After my mom died and my marriage crumbled, I ran wild seeking love from anyone and it was always the wrong kind of love. I let people abuse me mentally and physically thinking it was love. I put myself in a bad situation that left me broken and it was that very moment that ultimately led me to give my life to God and trusting him fully.

This time last year, it was Mothers Day and this person who was in my life put me in a situation that I was honestly terrified of. They promised me a lot of things to keep me, they lied to me, they abused me emotionally and took advantage of me. When it finally ended I was devastated, confused and broken. But that's what the enemy does to us, they break us, make us feel unworthy, and suffocate us with so much darkness it makes us feel like there is no hope. That we will never get help or see the light.

 At the time I wasn't seeing God, I was being pushed further and further away from God and what He wanted for me. I was too busy making someone else my savior and bible. I was at an all time low when it came to an end and what I didn't realize at that moment was that, when God closes one door he opens another.

But I had to surrender myself to the right person, and that right person is God. And when I surrendered myself to him completely, he healed me and he blessed me. When I was hungry, he fed me. When I was upset or scared, he used the most random people to give me scriptures of comfort. He opened the door that I thought would never open because honestly, I'm a sinner. I sin. And growing up, I was told that God hates sinners, that we were dammed to hell. And that terrified me so much I stayed in the dark.

However, when I  finally let go and just said "OK God, I give it all to you" He opened the door with so much love and warmth. 

In Romans 5:8 God says: I love you even at your darkest. And that's when I realized that God doesn't hate sinners, nor are we dammed to hell. He loves us even at our most darkest of time.And he gave me so much love too, love that I thought was gone, love that I thought I would never have again after my mom died.

I not mad or angry with that person that put me in that situation because ultimately, they taught me just how strong I really am. I stopped relying on others and instead put faith in God and in myself. They forced me to have courage and to be brave even in the most scariest of situations. Because going from not believing and being angry in and with God to believing and forgiving is a pretty scary thing. I mean that's a pretty big deal and leap of faith.

I look at how far I've come and the things I've been able to accomplish since putting my trust and faith with God. I'll be truthful though, sometimes I wonder where I would be if I were still in that toxic environment. But truthfully, I'm thankful it ended when it did and how it did because I needed to be broken and my world turned upside down in order to turn to God and become the person that I need to be and who he wanted me to be.

Thank you God for loving me through my sin, through my darkest moments and through my brokenness.

God can restore what is broken 

and change it into something amazing.

All you need is Faith.

Joel 2:25

Whew! An Actual Update!

Hey lovelies!

Sorry that I've been so MIA lately, we are still trying to "move in" our new house LOL! We've been here for a month now and we still somewhat live out of boxes. Haha I'm not used to having so much house that honestly, I'm not really sure what to do with it all! Someone please come help me figure it out!

Besides trying to unpack, I've been busy with tons of DIY projects! The current non-endless craft project are my eldest children's rooms and I finally finished painting their rooms two weeks ago (before and after photos to come at a later time). It's just been a really slooow process with finding those perfect (or not to perfect) pieces for their rooms.

On top of that, I'm hoping my war with PCOS is coming to a close (*fingers crossed*). I finally had a period naturally. Which is something I'm over the moon for because I hate taking medicine! It also means we are seriously one step closer to being able to TTC. However, last week I did have an ultrasound of my uterus and they did find something (but are unsure what) in there. So, I am scheduled for a hystoscopy and D&C Tuesday of next week. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time  because, Ezra will be a year in June and we have been given the green light to start trying for baby #4 then if we want. Which is awesome and I'm super stoked about it but, I have SO much on my plate right now.

For about two years now, it has been one of my dreams to start a women's ministry. My ultimate goal is to help women of all types and ages discover their strength and worth and the love Jesus Christ has for them. Through sharing the stories of other women who have struggled with everything from adoption, domestic violence, and life in general (because it's hard) I hope to help empower women. Because you are not alone, you are loved, you have been since conception in your mothers womb. You were fearfully and wonderfully made and there is a whole group of amazing women ready to share their story honestly and openly in hopes to help and encourage you. If you are reading this and you would like to share your story and how God helped you triumph; please feel free to contact me. I would love to talk with you and share your story!

Other than that, everything has pretty much been mellow. I hope you all have a blessed Friday and weekend!

much love,

Relationships Are...

Relationships are hard!

I mean look at me, I'm a divorcee who on top of that went through a really bad relationship. 

However, here I am being loved by and am loving a Godly man. 

Yeah, I know what you're thinking too .. because everyone who I say this to expects fireworks, butterflies and rainbows. But really, this hasn't been the easiest relationship either. Like it has and it hasn't ..if that makes any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there has been a lot of trial and error. Which I don't think is bad at all by all means it's just that .. I'm not used to this kind of love and I'm certainly not used to being pushed like I am either. 

I'm "seriously serious", I think I will forever be in a state of ruffled feathers. 

Anthony is constantly pushing me and it's not the "I'm pushing your buttons" either. He's pushing me to be better in my faith, as a better person, mother and woman. I honestly think that is the difference in being with someone who loves and lives for God and being with someone who is also so positive about life in general. So yes, I am defiantly not used to this.

I heard the best quote this morning while listening to K Love this morning: 

 It's not about finding someone you can live with,

it's about finding someone you can't live without.

That quote is so true but, I've always picked the wrong people. Also in all of my past relationships I've never been equally yoked either. I think in order to have a great relationship God must always come first. Pray together and seek God together (having great communication skills help too).

"Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another."

                                                                             -Romans 12:10

For once, I'm not being judged for what I've done. I'm not being told that I'm "too fat" or that I need to "put down the fork." I'm not being accused of cheating when I'm attending bible study. Instead I'm being told that I'm beautiful, I'm encouraged to eat but also to be mindful of healthier choices and I'm certainly encouraged to go to bible study. 

He's strong, sweet and generous but he's also stubborn, brutally honest (about some things) and he knows how to get things done, quickly. He isn't afraid to say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done. Which is good because sometimes... I get way too a head of myself and a need a nice dose of reality. But he's also my protector, provider and he's never stopped.

Really, I've got to hand it to him. He's been sick for almost 7 months, just recently he tore his bicep muscle tendon from the bone and had to have surgery to reattach it. Not once has he stopped or complained and he still thanks and praises God. This is no joke, he's the strongest and bravest man I have ever known. 

I mean this is the kind of relationship I have been dreaming of since I was a tween. I prayed for days, weeks and months for this kind of love. I prayed for God to send me my true soul mate. However, I'll admit there are times where I question if I was truly ready for this, There are still some things that I need to work on, emotional scars from previous engagements that I just haven't yet worked through. But I also know that if God saw that I wasn't ready, I don't think he would have blessed me with him.

As I said before, our relationship hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. There have been so many tests, not just for me but for both of us. Yet, here we still are together, loving God, our child(ren), and loving each other. We've gone through so many leaps and bounds which have really made our bond stronger ... or at least make things a little more interesting. But these experiences have also helped me grow too (see I'm constantly learning!). 

"Strength & growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."

-Napoleon Hill