365 Project :: 2,060 Squat Challenge and Thoughts.

A 365 do over, what? Yeah ...  I'm calling a do over because I went almost two weeks of not really eating right, even though I kept my portions small I still wasn't eating the right stuff, so I'm calling a do-over!

Above is my current weight, which is 177 lbs. Yes I know, I am awful, I'm starting over AGAIN. Rome wasn't built in a day.  I just have to keep telling myself that I CAN.

This morning I've mostly stayed in the house, I had some major laundry work to do, it was to the point where the more laundry I did the thought of being a nudest wasn't really that scary. Majority of laundry consisted of my little ones belongings from piles and piles of socks. Hopefully the drier doesn't eat them again, I can't tell you how many times I've had to buy brand new pairs of socks for everyone!

I realize by the time I sit down at the end of the day, I've forgotten most of what I wanted to type about. So I'm going to star writing things down to make it much easier for me. 

So it's day two and I'm already having temptations, lack of motivation, and feeling just down right blah! But I am pushing through it, it also doesn't help that I feel so tired all the time either. I've been looking at finding myself a little 'pick-me-up' and also something to help curve my hunger and help me boost my fat burning lady power LOL! I've been reading the reviews on this supplement pill:

From what I have seen on the reviews it's really good and a lot of people have had great results on it. I don't know about the whole 'magic pill' thing, but if it will possibly boost my energy then I am willing to try it at least. But I want to do all of my research first before I just go out and buy something I know nothing about.

I'm still looking into getting a gym membership, but there are so many it's overwhelming, and do I get a calorie counting watch too? I've been looking into this little guy :

One of my girlfriends has one of these and she's always posting pictures of her progress in her workouts. And this little guy seems like it would make tracking everything a little easier for me.

I have been flowing a gym  ( that I'm looking at getting a membership) on facebook and decided to take part in their 2,060 Squat Challenge.

 Squat for a month for a super cute booty!? Heck yes, sign me up please!

I’m currently 177 pounds and I am only 27 pounds away from my first goal: 150… and only 42 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight: 135

There are so many emotions tied into this. Why? Because it’s something that I want more than you could ever imagine… and because I've seen so many people reach their goal only to put all the weight back on.

Hey, it happened to ME before! well, I didn't exactly reach my goal, but I did go from 200 to 150 and then back to 165 which I ended up staying that weight for about two years. I wish I could tell you WHY it happened though, it’s something I've never been able to figure out.

Is it because I couldn't maintain the healthy lifestyle?
Is it because I wasn't strong enough?
Is it because I didn't have support?
Is it because I stopped caring about myself?

All of these things are floating through my mind as I start to work closer to that number.

What makes this time different then the last?

I’m actually petrified! Scared to death.

I’m scared that once I reach my goal weight, I still won’t be as happy as I want to be. I'm terrified that once I get there I wont find a happy medium, I've blamed my weight on so many things in my life… and once it’s no longer an issue, what can I use to blame?!

Oh, Natasha’s unhappy? It’s because she’s fat.
Oh, Natasha has no friends? It’s because she’s fat.

Oh, Natasha never leaves her home? It's because she's fat.

You get the picture.

The worst part:  I’m absolutely terrified of letting everyone else around me down. I do NOT want them to see me fail AGAIN. 

Despite my fears and my doubts, I will not give up. I just have to have faith in myself and be brave. I am only human after all.

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Hello Oki Beach! Part 1:: First beach experience and ferry ride

 I woke up at 6 am to watch the sun rise on the beach for the very first time in my life, I've never felt so at peace and humble looking at this large body of water.

We ate pretty healthy, see! I did a lot of portion control for me though, the kids just got larger portions of what I fixed for Jeffrey and I. :)

See Graham's poor little booty?

Driving to Southport to ride the ferry over to another part of the island to see an aquarium. It was my first time on a ferry and boy was I a bit terrified at first. 

Driving onto the ferry in Southport.

Grandfather Henry and Graham on the ferry, Mr. G-man was so excited here he was saying ''that's a big water!"

Day 1: Setting Goals.

Day one of my 356 project and I'm already feeling motivated! I am excited about all the changes I am making about my life and making sure I stay healthy and happy.  I understand that sometimes I will have set backs and that I will probably will get really frustrated. But this isn't an instant process no matter how much I want it to be. If I could snap my fingers and be skinny and happier with myself I probably would have done it by now. But unfortunately I can't and I have to accept that.

One of the rules I have set for myself is that I am no longer going to say the word 'can't'. I am going to completely throw it out of my vocabulary.  No more looking down upon myself. I am no longer going to 'wish' about things. I am going to DO this I CAN do this!

So today I sat myself down and set an ideal goal of what I would like to weigh by the end of this project. I'm also going to post pictures of my progress (though as embarrassed as I am). This will force me to work even harder and to stay on track. I want to feel just as beautiful on the outside as I do on the inside.

Okay so here is my weight chart that I made to track everything. It is pretty simple I just fill in what weight I have lost until I have reached my goal weight. I  have a total of 50 lbs that I AM going to lose! I would like to be at least 30 lbs lighter by August which may be a bit of a stretch BUT even if I don't reach that as long as I'm staying on track and am trying that's all that matters. 

I think I have set a manageable goal and I have three hundred sixty-five days to do it. Though I hope to reach it sooner,  I have to stay positive no matter what and fight through this. I know I CAN do this, I've done it before two years ago, I was half way though my chart hitting 150 lbs but I don't know what happened. Priorities, stress, and other life events got in the way. But this time I will do it I will get through this!

I plan to get the babies and myself in bed by 10 o'clock tonight. And be up by 7 in the AM. Be showered and ready by 7:30 get the babes up get them breakfast and clothed and out the door by 8-8:30 and off to the park to walk. I want to walk around at least three times each morning. Somewhere in their nap time, get at least a 30 minute work out with the kettle bell. I've also talked to Jeff about maybe getting a gym membership at Court South (which they also offer free child care) or Anytime Fitness for both of us. He's expressed many times about eating healthy and losing weight. So this would be a great project for both of us to do and that could help me keep on track and focused.  :)

You Are Lovely.

Introduction. 365

This is my 365 days project of to finding lovely. I want to take everything that is negative and turn it around to a positive. By the end of this project I plan to be a healthier, happier, and hopefully 50 lbs lighter!

As a young 23 year old mother of two babies who were born back to back (12 months apart), not to mention the stress of everyday life has really taken a tole on me physically and emotionally. I've lost myself in the mists of all the chaos. So this is my attempt to get back to the confident person I use to be.

At this moment I hate looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I mean I have tired multiple times to loose the weight but I've always... failed. I either get too lazy and want to take short cuts or something happens that discourages me and then I give up.

My children are my number one priority, but I also need to start taking better care of myself too. I want to be able to enjoy them and have may happy years! With both of my parents passing away at the ripe ages of 63 & 62 both from massive heart attacks, it really makes you think about your life. Due to their unhealthy eating habits and life style, their health deteriorated quickly and  there were a lot of things that they missed that I wish they could have seen. So here is to a new year and a new me, I will get this weight off, I will be happier, I will be healthier!

By the end of this project I plan to:

1.  Have a better out look on my life.
2. Stress less.
3. Have healthier eating habits.
4. Weigh 50lbs lighter.
5. Worry less.
6. No longer be in a slump.
7. And above all else: Be Lovely!

Memorable Words Monday :: You Can Never Be Freebie

So I was a bit lazy yesterday so memorable words Monday is being posted on a Tuesday. :[ But just like all the others all you have to do is save, print on an 8x10 sheet of paper (or glossy print paper which ever you prefer), slip into a cute frame and viola! You have a super cute and chic wall hanging for you sweet little nest. Remember if you like what you see feel free to Pin + Share. Please feel free to come back for every Monday I post a new freebie printable for you!

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Download this weeks freebie HERE!

Where Do We Go From Here?

Wednesday marked a huge day for Graham and therapy. It was his six month testing to see where he is in the program. Last year his stats were in the 80's but this time his scores were in the 70's. This is neither good or bad...

On paper is looks like Graham failed his testing and that he is regressing, but in reality he isn't. There are a lot of things that he CAN do, it just boils down to whether or not he wants to do it. Which is frustrating because we all know he can do these things and more, but he just isn't a willing participant.

For the last three years we have been trying so hard to get Graham out of his little bubble and participating with play and other things. But it has been a complete challenge with both his therapists and I. I have even asked his pediatrician about possibly going to a behavioral therapist, but his doctor seemed to not really want to pursue it saying ''Oh he's young, he'll grow out of this.'' But now both his occupational and speech therapists have come to me saying that due to his behavior set backs it is keeping him from moving forward in his current therapies and other necessary/beneficial therapies that he could also receive from the facility.

At this point Graham isn't regressing which is good, because this is something that I worry about constantly. But he isn't progressing either, he's just kind of stuck in this median. Rebecca his speech pathologist and I have both agreed that no matter how hard you push, Graham is just so smart that he pushes back just as hard. He is just so stubborn sometimes and it can be extremely frustrating  -he even frustrates himself sometimes!

Rebecca has decided to call his doctor though and discuss this issue further. I'm glad because I will have someone else on my side who feels that pursuing the behaviorist would be the step in the right direction.  Either way  I hope that we all can come up with some middle ground and somehow over come this little hiccup. He has come so far and early intervention has been a huge factor in our success too. I just hope that we can get through this.

-Annie
 

Memorable Words Monday :: She Leaves A Little Sparkle

Hi everyone, welcome to this weeks installment of Memorable Words Monday! Simple save, print on an 8x10 piece of paper, frame and viola! You have a super cute wall hanging for your home! Don't forget if you like what you see Pin + Share!

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Download this weeks freebie HERE!