The War With PCOS
I just want a period.
(Progesterone 200mg taken at night days 14-28)
I want my body to ovulate, shed its lining and bleed like it is supposed to. Is that to much to be asking for? Seriously, for Christmas all I want is for my body to straighten up, bleed on its own and without the need of medicine.
Gosh I remember when I used to hate having my period, now I would do anything just to have one. The things we take for granted.
All these medicines do crazy things to my body symptom wise. I can't handle Provera, I started Progesterone 200mg and I feel like I'm drunk. I tired birth control at the lowest dose they could give me. The crazy mood swings and constant bleeding (going from no bleeding to constant non stop bleeding) was too overwhelming.
Then there is my weight issue, they keep telling me if I lose the weight I can reverse PCOS but if my hormones are already out of whack then how am I to lose the weight? Because hormones and weight are linked together after all.
I feel like the odds are forever against me.
I was supposed to have had a D&C done a while back but that never happened. Instead when I went and saw the OBGYN that my midwife referred me to for the consult, he only prescribed me more medicine. My midwife had seen some polyps in my uterus along with the thick lining and thought it would be in my best interest if I had a hystoscopy and D&C done. No one has even looked at my previous uterine ultrasounds, or even discussed polyps and other things my midwife found when she did the saline solution ultrasound (which those suck by the way).
So now I'm wondering: do I really have PCOS OR is there something else that is causing my body to not be able to menstruate on its own?
I'm going to call in the morning to another OBGYN at a different hospital to get my third (really second) opinion. I feel like the other doctor didn't do much just said "yeah whatever, take these pills and see me in a few months."
I'm getting so tried of putting junk into my body that's really doing more harm to me than good. Yes, I am getting a period but at what cost?
I work in the medical field and I always hear ladies complain about getting their periods. OK I get it, sometimes it's a little inconvenient when you aren't prepared for it. But complaining about it to someone who suffers from PCOS, is like waving sugar in front of a diabetic. We want it but we can't have it; unless we suffer the consequences to have it:
I mean look at this gigantic horse pill I have to take at bed time! I think that if I don't eat a big/heavy meal or take it drinking a full bottle of water the dizzy/drunk/vertigo feeling is much worse. The drinking of the full bottle of water before bed makes my bladder angry and I'm staggering around the house in middle of the night like a young college girl again. Where's the bathroom again? There's a light around here somewhere!
The medicine makes me feel tired during the day. I am normally very productive during the day but the days that I have to take this medicine I was just so tired. Ezra sleeps through the night; 9 hours of snuggly sleeping baby bliss. So there isn't a lack of sleep, just one (of its many) crazy symptom of this medicine.
-Annie
Product Review: Mama's Village Silicone Teething Necklace + Giveaway(Closed)
Ezra is currently cutting his top right canine tooth and has been super fussy lately, so I've been looking for other avenues as far as what can help ease the pain.
I was surfing through etsy when I same across these silicone teething necklaces, I reached out to the owner and we began emailing each other back and forth. Nikki, the super sweet woman behind Mama's Village, is also a stay at home mom who is going on this business adventure with these teething and nursing jewelry.
I can't tell you all how much I love supporting other moms and their passions! Not only do I love supporting others in their business adventures, I also happen to think that these teething necklaces are super cute too!
I'm actually wearing the Lauren necklace in chocolate mint, because I fell in love with the quirky description. I was pretty excited to get in the mail and it came rather quickly too!
9 New Baby Must Haves
I'm a well seasoned mommy with baby number three however, not all babies love the same thing. Not everything made my list because, I feel like once people find out you're expecting they will get you everything else.
Trial and error with two previous babies, a few items have proven their worth and officially made the cut for my new baby must haves. With that said, your baby may love or possibly even hate every item on this list. Sorry, babies seem to be tricky like that. So without further a due my 9 new baby must haves:
You Are Lovely: Day 2 : Setting Goals
Day two of my 356 project and I'm already feeling motivated. I am excited about all the changes I'm making however, I understand that sometimes I will have set backs. I know that there may be times that I may get frustrated, and I'm accepting of that. This isn't something that is going to be instant, no matter how much I want it to be. I have to work hard and lovingly for this. I wont lie though, if I could snap my fingers, be skinny and happier with myself, I probably would have done it by now.
One of the rules that I've set for myself, is omitting the word 'can't'. I'm completely throwing this word out of my vocabulary. This is also turn all of my negatives into positives, no more looking down on myself, and no more wishing about thing .This is the time that I'm actually going to DO things!
Today I sat myself down and set an ideal goal of what I would like to weigh by the end of this project. I've also decided to post pictures of my progress (though as embarrassed as I am). This will help me to work even harder, stay on track and be motivated. I want to feel just as beautiful on the outside as I do on the inside.
I'm going to make a weight chart and update it each week at weigh in to help further along my progress. I do better when I can see it, chart it and write it out. This goes for everything that I do, I'm more of a visual processor. The weight chart will be pretty simple because I don't want to make this too overly complicated. It'll be pretty simple, I'll fill in to the weight I am until I have reached my goal weight.
I think I've set a manageable goal: giving myself three hundred sixty-five days and that's more than enough time. I know that I have to stay positive in order to fight through any uncertainties that I may have.
One of the rules that I've set for myself, is omitting the word 'can't'. I'm completely throwing this word out of my vocabulary. This is also turn all of my negatives into positives, no more looking down on myself, and no more wishing about thing .This is the time that I'm actually going to DO things!
Today I sat myself down and set an ideal goal of what I would like to weigh by the end of this project. I've also decided to post pictures of my progress (though as embarrassed as I am). This will help me to work even harder, stay on track and be motivated. I want to feel just as beautiful on the outside as I do on the inside.
I'm going to make a weight chart and update it each week at weigh in to help further along my progress. I do better when I can see it, chart it and write it out. This goes for everything that I do, I'm more of a visual processor. The weight chart will be pretty simple because I don't want to make this too overly complicated. It'll be pretty simple, I'll fill in to the weight I am until I have reached my goal weight.
I think I've set a manageable goal: giving myself three hundred sixty-five days and that's more than enough time. I know that I have to stay positive in order to fight through any uncertainties that I may have.
You Are Lovely Project: Day 1 : Realization & Free 8x10 Printable
To help me on my journey to becoming lovely, I am not going to hold anything back, even as much as it may embarrass me.This 365 day project is for me and my journey to a healthier more body positive me. I know that I need to be more honest with myself, specially when it comes my emotional and physical health.
Motherhood drains me emotionally and physically, and I often get envious of these other blogger mommies. They all seem to have it under control and are calm, cool and collective. While I'm over here with my hair a mess, children with dirty faces and sticky hands. As I sigh and say to myself "Well, at least they made it another day without killing each other." But I know I shouldn't be this hard on myself. I am doing the best I can, my kids have a great life and plenty of awesome memories even with how crazy it all may seem.
It's just that I pour my whole entire self into my children that I have nothing left for myself. I honestly leave absolutely nothing for myself, I am doubtful, hard and cruel to myself. I'm constantly beating myself up over not being the perfect "hot mom" that I feel like I should be. I strive to be the best mother possible that sometimes I try to be a little 'too perfect' (if there is such a thing). However, I'm so lucky that I have an amazing SO. He comes home and pours his all into me (even when I show some resistance). It's not that I take what he does for me for granted, it's just that I need to be able to do this too.
In order for me to take care of myself and have a more positive body image, I need to be a little selfish. Selfish to not give my entire being away but to save just enough of myself for myself. Selfish to take some time and discover my true loveliness and beauty. To love myself for who I am even on those days where everything seems to go wrong and I'm lucky to have showered. I want to fall in love with myself, while taking care of my mind, body and spirit.
I hope you enjoy this free 8x10 print as well. Just save, print and place into a 8x10 frame. :)
Motherhood drains me emotionally and physically, and I often get envious of these other blogger mommies. They all seem to have it under control and are calm, cool and collective. While I'm over here with my hair a mess, children with dirty faces and sticky hands. As I sigh and say to myself "Well, at least they made it another day without killing each other." But I know I shouldn't be this hard on myself. I am doing the best I can, my kids have a great life and plenty of awesome memories even with how crazy it all may seem.
It's just that I pour my whole entire self into my children that I have nothing left for myself. I honestly leave absolutely nothing for myself, I am doubtful, hard and cruel to myself. I'm constantly beating myself up over not being the perfect "hot mom" that I feel like I should be. I strive to be the best mother possible that sometimes I try to be a little 'too perfect' (if there is such a thing). However, I'm so lucky that I have an amazing SO. He comes home and pours his all into me (even when I show some resistance). It's not that I take what he does for me for granted, it's just that I need to be able to do this too.
In order for me to take care of myself and have a more positive body image, I need to be a little selfish. Selfish to not give my entire being away but to save just enough of myself for myself. Selfish to take some time and discover my true loveliness and beauty. To love myself for who I am even on those days where everything seems to go wrong and I'm lucky to have showered. I want to fall in love with myself, while taking care of my mind, body and spirit.
I hope you enjoy this free 8x10 print as well. Just save, print and place into a 8x10 frame. :)
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You Are Lovely Project : 365 Days To A Healthier Body Positive Me
- Have a better out look on my life.
- Stress less.
- Have healthier eating habits.
- Be 50lbs lighter.
- Worry less.
- No longer be in a slump.
- Encourage others on their journey to healthier living.
- And above all else: Be ME, Be Lovely!
So why a 365 day project?
It took me almost year to gain this weight. Yes I know, I was pregnant for 9 of those months. However, I've adopted some unhealthy eating habits post baby. So I know it will take me at least year to get the weight off by doing it the right and healthy way. Which means eating right, exercising, and loving myself and my body genuinely and unconditionally. Remember, it's not about perfection but about progress! Loving ourselves and our bodies with total genuine and unconditional acceptance.
Being lovely:
So here is where being lovely comes in, for the last few years I've battled the ugly demon of depression. The loss of my mother, a failed first marriage,and a emotionally abusive relationship really took a tole on my self-esteem and body image. I wanted to start this project and take all the negativity and body shaming that I've experienced (from others and myself) and turn it into something positive.
By the end of this project I plan to be a healthier, happier, and (hopefully) lighter young woman. I have learned that we often lose ourselves when chaos occurs in our lives. This project is my attempt at becoming a more confident and body positive person and encouraging other on their journey as well.
I hope that as I share my triumphs (and sometimes defeats), I can inspire others as well as they go through their journey to a healthier lifestyle. So here it is:
You Are Lovely: Project 365.
Mystery Illness
Anthony is still struggling with his mystery illness. The Lyme disease medicine isn't working and only making his symptoms worse. So after a long conversation with me and then to his doctor, he decided to take himself off the medicine.
As I see it, what is the point of being on a medicine when there is no clear answer as to if he truly has Lyme's. Specially when the side-effects of the Medicine are what he already is experiencing prior to taking it and ultimately making his symptoms 100 times worse.
We did talk about him going off majority of the medicine that he's on to try to figure out which medicines are truly helping and which ones aren't. But it's a lot of medicine. 😒
I took Ezy to the pediatrician yesterday and it turns out that he could have a milk intolerance. His lungs are clear but his nasal pathways. We already struggled with formula and his spitting up but never thought that could cause the rattling and what he's going through. The doctor explained it to this way that due to him spitting up from having a sensitive stomac, the spit up is getting caught in his nasal pathways and causing the overactive mucous secretions. The doctor did give us the nasabulb to try:
Haha I'm not sure how I feel about sucking mucous from my child's nose from my own mouth...but supposedly this thing works better then the suction bulb you get from the hospital or first aid kits.
I have a sleep study next Wednesday, and to be honest I'm a little nervous about. This will be the first night away from all three littles and Anthony. Not saying that Anthony can't handle it or anything but I worry how the kids are going to react with their momma gone for a night. Yeah, I'm freaking out over one. night...I'll take a shower before I go and go to be early and maybe I'll ACTUALLY sleep! Because being a mom of three under 6 makes me a zombie and then going to school full time on top of that. I can't really remember the last time I was actually able to sleep without someone needing something in the middle of the night.
-Annie
Reflections of 2015
2015 was a year of regret, hope, growth and realization.
New friends were made while others were left behind. It was a year of discoveries, triumphs and disappointments.
It was about self discovery and realization of just how strong I truly was. Bridges were made and some were burned. I discovered a lot of things, mainly what I did and didn't want and finding courage and comfort within my own self. Of accepting things that were unchangeable as they are.
I experienced hurt, healing, and moving on and forward.
In my choices, I've helped people, but I've also hurt people too. However, I've learned that sometimes, no matter how much you love someone... if the relationship is toxic, walking away is the one of the bravest and courageous things you could ever do.
I also walked away from faith but I've also come back on my knees to it. I learned that prayer works, but I've also learned that you have to pray about everything, every day.
Sometimes the journey that God puts in front of you isn't always the prettiest or easiest. Sometimes it's the most ugliest experience, but sometimes in order to get where He wants you to be, you have to go through deep waters. But if you keep faith and give all of your worries and doubt onto him. He certainly does make things better.
Storms destroy things in their wake but they certainly don't last forever. They are needed sometimes to clear out all the junk and debris. They make you stronger and when you finally open your eyes to the clearing you find such beauty and hope for better things.
2016 is going to be a new exciting and wonderful journey. It's going to be my (and yours too) metamorphosis of lovely and shinning brightly. Of growing, learning and being true to ones self!
It's easy to let your true colors shine when you are surrounded by postive people who truly love you.
I wanted to thank you and everyone else who has helped me through these really tough times and situations this year, all the emails of positivity and support. I have so much appreciation for you all!
So I hope 2016 is a wonderful, magical year filled with love, new discoveries and friendships for all of you! Happy New Year!
-Annie
Ezra Lee at 1 Month Old
Where on earth has time gone to? I cannot believe that my littlest love is a month old already!
You're Late! You're Late! You're Late, For A Very Important Date!
My due date came and went and still no sign of Mr. Ezra Lee.
When You Give Everything To God, He Will Bless you.
L O V E
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
-First Corinthians 13:7
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If you have been with me through the course of this year on the Fresh Heart, then a lot of you know I went through a really rough and bad situation over the course of five/six-ish months.
I am very open with my belief in God and my faith and thank Him every day for the amazing people he has brought into my life. As well as all the wonderful connections with those very same people He has brought me too. Even one that I never thought I would find, which is love. Not just smitten love, but true, real, and unconditional love. Not just for me but for my children as well.
I won't lie to anyone I was broken, very broken emotionally.
I talked and touched base about it often in my Knowing Your Self-Worth segments on my blog. I prayed for days, weeks, and months for God to bring me someone: my partner, my soul mate, my equal. Someone who was going to love and respect me and help me blossom even more. Not only in my faith with my God but emotionally as well. I knew that in order for this to happen, I had to give myself to Him fully. I had to wait and be patient while being calm and still. I know it wasn't just luck that brought me into the place that I am now, it was my prayers being answered.
Out of no where, this big Italian man comes into my life and instead of tearing me down, walking in front of or over me, he walks beside me, cheering me on. He loves me through my faults and insecurities and didn't care that I had nothing to give.
After all, I was broken and I had no idea how to love or even how to trust anyone with anything that I had. All he wanted was me: good day, bad day, pretty, ugly whatever. He accepted me for all that I am. He loves me, not for what I can give him but for who I am on the inside: he loves my heart. The best part of all is, he accepts and loves my children. Which is something more than I could ever ask for. I highly believe it takes a real kind of person, I take that back, a real man to love another mans child/children.
He has been my cheerleader and brightens my day, he keeps me calm when I start to worry, anchors me with I get overwhelmed, and showers me with love and respect. He has given me everything and doesn't ask for anything in return.
He has loved me through everything passionately and unconditionally. He has helped me heal and blossom and I am so very thankful for that. That my friends and dear readers is what true love is all about.
I will be honest, it has taken a couple of bad apples and choices to get to him. However, I finally found the one my soul sings for and I couldn't be happier and I so owe it all to the glory of God because without Him and faith, none of this would be possible.
heart emoticon
Know Your Self-Worth :: Toxic People
Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, and make you happy.
If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.
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I've talked previously about letting go of relationships that don't serve you in a healthy manor. The month of May, I'm not even kidding you, was really about tests and learning lessons. I really had to do a lot of praying. Specially about the relationship that I had with a few individuals.
I came to realize that the relationship that I had with these people, really wasn't good at all, mentally or emotionally. These people were actually pretty toxic for me, specially as I transitioned to healing and walking with God. Instead of building me up, they were always tearing me down. They were always trying to find a fault in me. It's like no matter what I said or all the good I did, they always found a way to make it unjustified or bad.
Lessons in May.
The month of May has been very tough for me. It has been a series full of tests. Tests that I should have given to God and walked away from but in all honesty ... I didn't. I am not ashamed to say or admit that I failed those tests miserably. But I am human and I'm still learning and every day there is a lesson to be learned. I just have to continue to give everything to God that worries me.
These last two and half weeks have been all about learning to be quiet, calm, still, and most importantly learning forgiveness and letting go. I've come to realize that when you have Christ you have everything you need. It just takes the faith to let him fight all battles and to keep your heart clean.
Learning to let go completely has been the biggest struggle for me. It's not that I'm avoiding questions that are being asked, it's just that at this very moment, I need to be still. I need to be quiet, I need to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. I also need to stop sharing information with those who are not and shouldn't have been apart of the current situation in the first place. I should have been protecting my heart and seeking God then allowing others to dictate everything.
I've always been one of those who have struggled with forgiving others. I know there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive someone. Gods offer of forgiveness to anyone who asks for it is a great example to us. There is a parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23, Jesus on the cross demonstrated ultimate forgiveness, and Stephen who forgave those who were stoning him in Acts 7:60.
Learning to let go completely has been the biggest struggle for me. It's not that I'm avoiding questions that are being asked, it's just that at this very moment, I need to be still. I need to be quiet, I need to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. I also need to stop sharing information with those who are not and shouldn't have been apart of the current situation in the first place. I should have been protecting my heart and seeking God then allowing others to dictate everything.
I've always been one of those who have struggled with forgiving others. I know there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive someone. Gods offer of forgiveness to anyone who asks for it is a great example to us. There is a parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23, Jesus on the cross demonstrated ultimate forgiveness, and Stephen who forgave those who were stoning him in Acts 7:60.
Know Your Self-Worth :: Why It's OK To Be Single.
When you know your worth,
no one can make you feel worthless.
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Truth: I have been burned very badly by my past relationship. It was and still is a pretty messy break up.
I decided to take a HUGE hiatus from having a relationship. I feel like it is completely OK to be selfish right now. We can take time to focus on ourselves, our bodies, our mind, our careers. Everything we need to focus on we can without the hassle or worry about another person.
Am I scared? In a way, yes.
Why I'm Choosing Natural Child Birth + Doula
All na-tur-al:
Women have been giving birth for centuries unmedicated. This is what our bodies were made to do and we (as women) need to trust our bodies. Seriously, it is in our genetic makeup to give birth, and to give birth naturally. I realize that I may be biased because I am pro-natural, but I feel that too many people completely overlook this option.
Most OBGYN's are very similar, you show up to your appointment then you meet with a nurse practitioner. She then weighs you, takes your blood pressure, shuffles you into a room and then you patently wait for your doctor to make their grand appearance. The doctor comes in, listens to babies heart beat and asks if you have any questions and then sends you on your merry little way.
Women have been giving birth for centuries unmedicated. This is what our bodies were made to do and we (as women) need to trust our bodies. Seriously, it is in our genetic makeup to give birth, and to give birth naturally. I realize that I may be biased because I am pro-natural, but I feel that too many people completely overlook this option.
Most OBGYN's are very similar, you show up to your appointment then you meet with a nurse practitioner. She then weighs you, takes your blood pressure, shuffles you into a room and then you patently wait for your doctor to make their grand appearance. The doctor comes in, listens to babies heart beat and asks if you have any questions and then sends you on your merry little way.
New Beginnings!
With the move, getting adjusted to a new city, and being pregnant I have been super busy!
If any of you know me personally know I love the medical field. I eat, breathe, and think about helping people. I love nursing with a passion but I have decided to go another rout and do massage therapy!
If any of you know me personally know I love the medical field. I eat, breathe, and think about helping people. I love nursing with a passion but I have decided to go another rout and do massage therapy!
