Happy 4th of July, Ya'll!

Saying Goodbye To The Girls.

Almost two months ago I had undergone a surgery that has since changed my life in such a positive way imaginable! What may you ask did I have done? Well going by my title for this post and if you're guess right...

Yes, I said GOODBYE TO MY BOOBIES!

This has been one of the best life changing experiences I have made since deciding to go the healthy rout in life (cutting out all the yucky garbage in my food and going Paleo (thanks to Miss Ashley Vos) and gluten free).

Let’s face it, my entire young adult life I have always been … well-endowed. By age 13 (well into puberty at this point) I was in a size DD and the older I got well … the bigger they got. Growing up I was never really a chubby kid, I was just all boobs. After being sick for a while, my mum passing away when I was 19, on top of being a brand new mom at 20 I put on a lot of stress weight, and my weight went everywhere but my butt,  (the only place in the world I WISH I had fat in LOL)! Adding even more pounds to my chest. By the time I was 22 I had two babies, a size G bra and 40 pounds added to my small frame. So for the last three years I have yo-yo dieted, which has sucked. But somehow I managed to lose a lot of the weight and keep a steady 175 (which doesn’t look bad for my height since I’ve got long legs and a semi short torso)pounds, but I was still lugging around ginormous tata’s every day. Which made me super self-conscious. I seriously avoided the gym and running for fear of being knocked out or facing a black eye from being whacked in the face by my own boobs...

For the last year and a half I was a three-times-a-week chiropractic patient just to relieve the pain and pressure off my back from the girls. Bras never fit right, I was always secretly tucking my boobs back into my bra and those super sexy lace bras (you know the ones I’ve been drooling over from Modcloth) I kissed those goodbye years ago because they were ALWAYS out of the question for me. I was stuck with vanilla wide strap bras that cost way too much considering they are just two large triangles with straps.  

So after months of chiropractic care and not seeing any relief, I finally called my insurance (which I am SO very thankful to have a wonderful insurance company that was so easy to work with during this process) to get names and numbers of Doctors who would do a medical breast reduction.   The list was extremely short. Like only three doctors short. Which is crazy since I’m about 30 minutes from Knoxville Tennessee and there are SO many plastic surgeons there. Only one out of the three was still doing medically needed breast reductions. ONLY ONE and HE was a male. Which to be honest, I’m really weird about having male doctors they never seem to have any good bedside manors and they just can’t relate to a woman like a female doctor can.

So on top of that I was super nervous and very awkward when it was time to go for my appointment (plus I was about 20 minutes late because of down town Knoxville traffic and UT hospital is HUGE! I had to ask for directions twice, inside of the building)!

The first initial appointment is like any other “first time seeing the doctor” appointment. They measure you, take your weight, the nurse asks if you have had any family history of breast cancer or tumors, past surgeries etc. etc. you dress out of your street clothes and into a surgical gown. Seriously, it’s just like any other typical doctor visit.

They give you a little time to get undressed, gown on and get comfortable. Both the doctor and his nursing assistant walk into the room, introduce themselves and then begin working. He took more measurements and then examined my chest tells the nurse and she jots them down in your chart. The one things I was extremely worried about was my right breast. Some of the tissue was missing due to a lumpectomy that was done three years ago which unfortunately left a giant hole the size of two fingers and a huge indention.

I have always been told that when meeting with a new doctor for the first time about a specific procedure always, ALWAYS ask questions. Never leave anything unturned or left unspoken because the more information you get from them the better you will be and feel about your procedure. Never go into a major surgery with no information given or concerns/questions answered!

Let me tell you, I had a HUGE list of questions to ask too! He answered every question that I had with genuine concern and he was so honest with me. Which is pretty admirable considering. No wonder all the women in the lobby ooh’ed and ahh’ed over him when I asked about their experience with him.

Now let me give you some advice on this process if you are entertaining the thought of a medically needed breast reduction. It is also good to seek out other options before you resort to this if you are having back problems or pain due to the enormous pressure and pull that is cause by your large breasts. This major surgery really is looked at as your FINAL and LAST RESORT.

Here are some other options you can look into to find some relief: a great chiropractor, massage therapist, or physical therapist. All these options I have done, but the relief I experienced wasn’t long lasting.

1.      Have existing problems that are fully documented in detail from other doctors. It is also good to have at least two doctor recommendations such as your primary care doctor, chiropractor or physical therapist. Insurance will not accept the procedure if you don’t.

2.     Have a good insurance company. Call and talk with one of their health advisors about this first. They will be the first to give you information on it, your coverage and recommend doctors.

3.     Research the doctors from the list that they give you. I always want to know who I’m seeing, what they have done in the past, if they have any (good or bad) reviews from previous patients, and check out their work. Most plastic surgeons have a website that you can look at to gather this information or you can google search them.

4.     Make your first initial appointment for the doctor you choose from the list they gave you. This first appointment is free of charge and you or your insurance will not be billed. Be sure to bring the following with you to your appointment:

·        your list of questions and concerns

·        insurance card and information

·        recommendations from two other doctors

5.     If you feel comfortable with the doctor, make the appointment for your surgery and wait. The surgeon will fax all the needed information to your insurance company. It is now up to them if you are eligible for the procedure.

It took my insurance company a while to review all the information my surgeon had faxed them. To be really honest, I prayed long and hard on this and my prayers were answered. My surgery was accepted by my insurance company a week before my surgery!

When I received the news from the ladies at my surgeon’s office, I was over joyed! I seriously cried my eyes out long and hard. I even had the staff crying over the phone with me! This was something I had been praying about for quite some time and now it was finally being answered! I even called and texted everyone on my little contact list. My best friend, which I still laugh out loud about this, said over the phone “Wow I’ve never heard someone so excited to get her boobies chopped off!” But it was true, I was so happy! Years and years of dealing with the pain and pull and my spine being so out of alignment was finally over, I would be more comfortable and confident and now I felt like I could really shed those baby and stress weight pounds off.

Surgery day came quicker than I imagined and I was a nervous wreck. Which if you read my blog post about the tumor I had removed from my back and leg a few years ago, I always get crazy pre-surgery jitters. It’s really bad, to the point where I rewrite my will just-in-case. Which seems silly because I’ve had SO many surgeries, more than I can count on both hands.

Anyway surgery day, I get prepped and marked. My chest seriously looked like my three year old took a marker to me. There were marks all over the place! These marks tell my doctor where he needs to go and what he needs to cut and where he needs to place what where. So I looked like an art project for a few hours.

Three hours and FOUR pounds removed from my chest later, I was out of surgery and feeling great! The staff was amazing and took great care of me and not to mention they gave me a super sexy surgical bra to wear (really, it’s not bad for a surgical bra). ;-)

Recovery lasted three weeks, which I highly enjoyed being waiting on hand and foot not having to lift a single finger. Really. I didn’t lift anything. For three weeks. I slept in, watched moves, and got a lot of my early summer reading done! I was able to shower on my forth day. The only things that was really bothersome was the drainage tubes and bulbs you had to empty every nine hours and record.

I was released for normal exercise and routine in June and since I now run the local outdoor track, joined a gym, and have lost 15 more pounds! I am finally feeling good about myself. I’ve dropped down to seeing the Chiropractor only when I really need it. Over all I just feel really good about myself and my body and I am so glad I had this done. I went from a G to a small B and I could not be any happier with the outcome!

 

Thursday/Friday Favorites #5

Due to Holiday being tomorrow I am posting Friday favorites a day early! Happy 4th "ya'll"! ;-)

 

 

I'm crazy about mint .. and moths. This brooch has it all!

(via: Hoodratroughdiamond)

 

 

 

I am in love with this shelf!

 (via: Design by Stanford)

 

 

 

Brain necklace, yes!

(via: Delftia)

 

 

 

Ah, I so adore this jewelry tree!

(via: Deasatelier)

 

 

 

These shoes are so adorable! Not to mention there is 10% off sale!

(via: ADIKILAV )

 

 

 

These colors!! *swoon*

(via: Modcloth)

 

 

 

Really love this tin since I'm 100% a sentimental crap hoarder.

(via: Modcloth)

 

 

 

I couldn't resist!

(via: Imogen Quest)

 

 

 

Modcloth is absolutely killing it in the undergarment department. Just take a peek at this set!!

(via: Modcloth)

 

 

 

I am obsessed with this cross-section. The shop has a few of them, definitely wouldn't mind if any of them showed up in my mail.....just saying.. ;-)

 (via: Grandpa's Market)

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you have an awesome Holiday!

xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eight Months Old!

I finally made the huge leap back in October to get my second tattoo... a very large tattoo at that.

 Considering that my first tattoo was a teeny tiny little anchor on my foot. The little guy is super small and I'm sure at first glance it looks like a mole on my right inner ankle.

If you had been following me on pinterest, I spent days, weeks, and even months pinning vintage inspired etching tattoos. I wanted something elegant, vintage and totally me but I also wanted it to have a deeper meaning. I wanted something that also helped me remember my precious late mum and dad.

I was so picky on an artist too, so many people couldn't grasp my concept and others just turned me away because what I wanted was too detailed. I was also super picky about who did it too. I mean after all this is going on my skin forever. After feeling completly discouraged, one of my friends sent me on my way to the lovely miss Kitty Brooks of Ink and Leather Social Club. I am so happy I found Kitty because she helped me through the whole process and we were able to bounce off each other ideas. She's super awesome all together and just a great person to work with!

So 10+ hours later, I walk out with the most gorgeous cap I have ever seen! Her work and detail that she put into is just .. stunning!

Miss Kitty going to work!

24 hours later.

 

It was 2-3 weeks later that I went back to add more peonies and my compass/pocket watch.

 

 

all filled in and beautiful!

 

Here is my gorgeous tattoo in Janurary all healed and looking pretty!

 

I have gotten so many compliments on my tattoo, even from people I wouldn't really expect. I cannot wait to add more!

 



Friday Favorite #4

 

Absolutely love these note cards.

(via: Amy Sullivan)

 

 

 

Love the color of these shoes!

(via: Modcloth)

 

 

 

These are amazing!

(via: Studio Anatomie)

 

 

 

Andie's Specialty Sweets are SUPER! Check out these adorable owls!

 (via: Andie's Specialty Sweets)

 

 

 

This felted terrarium is beautiful. I'm a big fan of the photos as well!

 

(via: Once Again Sam)

 

 

Eeep! Bookstore scented candle. Frostbeard Studio also has an old books scented one if that's more your thing.

(via: Frostbeard Studio)

 

 

 

I own this in tshirt form but summer is making me want the tank top version as well.

(via: Kin Ship Goods)

 

 

 

This is some aaaaaaaaaaaaawsome nail polish!

 (via: I love nail polish)

 

 

 

 

These paaaants! That color is so nice.

(via: Shop Adorn)

 

 

 

Love this skirt!

 (via: Mona)

 

 

 

My goodness, I am obsessed with Michael Reedy's work!

(via: Michael Reedy)

 

 

 

This Dress, I absolutely love, and have it can't wait to do a  OOTD!

(via: Sammy Dress)

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you have a steller weekend!

Things I Never Pictured

This whole blog post is going to be extremely hard for me to type. To be perfectly honest, I struggle with failure... and I have failed.

If you have skimmed through my blog, then you already know where I'm headed:

I was once married. Married for seven and a half years, had two beautiful children out of it, whom I thank God for daily. God gave them to me for a reason and I have made sure to raise them right.  For six long and hard years, I bent over backwards, prayed for my (now ex) husband and made sure I was doing everything right. Home cooked meals that were ready and on the table when he got home, kids in bed by 9:30 PM sharp, and enough time for him to unwind and settle in for the night.

I never thought that I would ever be here, ever.

If I had known that seven precious years of my life would be wasted in hurt and betrayal, I probably would have never walked down and said I do. I would never have to worry about him, splitting up days of the week, rotating Holidays, and I defiantly wouldn't have to worry about her. But I also would have never had my two amazing and awesome kids. These are all the things about divorce they don't tell you about.

The thing is, it's not that I'm jealous of her, it's that I never wanted this. My marriage wasn't perfect however, divorce was never an option for me.

I swaddled, rocked, nursed all hours of the night, kissed boo-boo's, read them stories. She was never in the plan and what hurts me the most, the sour scrunched up face and eye roll she gives me every time she accompanies my ex husband on our exchange of our children. I mean shouldn't she feel accomplished by now? She obviously won, he chose her in the end so why the attitude? This was not how I pictured my life but I'm sure this is not how she pictured hers either. 

But she also has to understand that these are my children, I am going to be extremely tough and picky with who comes and goes into their lives. Because what she don't seem to understand is: 
                        
                         I have worked really hard for five and half years. Alone and by myself with a husband that was hardly apart of our lives. Only for him to find you and break everything that I ever built. He broke my trust, broke my spirit, broke everything and I am ashamed. I'm ashamed for the things I did to keep my marriage a float only for him to leave in the end.

I am broken and I'm not sure how to pick up the pieces. I'm not sure if these pieces will ever be put back together.

5 Things They Don't Tell You About Divorce

I have been divorced from my ex-husband for a while now, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think it bothers me more because  I was raised that you never get divorced; you stay married or you are a failure. The failure aspect still bothers me even well after the fact. To be honest, there were a lot of things that I wish I had known before getting married. Like how you can read all the books on how to cope with it but nothing really prepares you until you experience it first hand. Here are my top five.

1. It's expensive.

Maybe I am a bit naive when it comes to certain things but, no one ever explained to me just how expensive getting a divorce is. Lawyer fees, court fees, and any other additional fees can pretty much wipe out your bank account. The two of you cannot agree on anything? It took almost a year before we could see "eye to eye" and settle.  Our divorce in the end, cost more than our actual wedding. 

2. It's painful.

Sadness, regret and failure are just some of the emotions that accompany divorce; and I wasn't ready for any of these emotions. I wasn't prepared to be a failure and I never wanted to raise my children in a broken home.  Even after moving on, I find that it still hurts and that hurt will always be there. Just the thought of getting married again scares me a little because, I never want to be back in that place. You also tend to really find out just how spiteful the other person can be, specially with kids and property involved. Nothing can mentally or emotionally prepare you either for the gut wrenching feeling when another woman comes into your childrens' lives and "mothers" them... in front of you. This is something that I still have difficulty dealing with because after all, she was never in the plan.

3. You lose friends.

I don't care what anyone tells you, you will lose some friends once this process starts. People will always pick a side and it doesn't matter who was at fault or who did what or who filed for what. So be prepared for that. You will know very quickly who will be there to support you and those who aren't. I had to learn this the hard way that you also have to be very careful about who you let in or tell things to because there are some people who are disguised to have your best interest but they are really only there to try to sabotage you. So be careful! Protect yourself and your heart.

4. It's difficult on your children.

It doesn't matter what age your children are, divorce is divorce and it's hard on them. I think my biggest blow to the face that I experienced through this was when my oldest son came home crying after he had spent a long weekend with his dad. When I asked him what was going on, his reply was "Daddy asked X to marry him." My oldest was sobbing uncontrollably because he finally realized that his dad and I were done. We weren't ever going to get back together. He kept asking me what could he do to fix it. Did he do something wrong? Was he too bad? He couldn't grasp the concept of his daddy loving another woman and asking her to marry him. And that honestly killed me, I spent most of that evening cuddling my little guy trying to remind him that he wasn't the reason why we didn't love each other anymore. If anything he was the reason that kept us trying for so long to keep it together. We failed him, he didn't fail us.

5. You have two options: be bitter or be better.

I seriously can't stress this enough you can either chose to let the divorce cripple you OR empower you to do better. I learned through my first marriage about what I really wanted out of a partner, I learned that love is respect and to never settle for less. Because even in the most darkest time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.